Sunday, March 27, 2016

                    Another Side of Grief

As many of you know, I lost my Precious "Baby Girl" Renee November 12th, 2014. I have and am so lost in this grief that I just can't explain. Everyone around me has gone on with their lives. No one ever mentions her name. There are no more family gatherings such as cook-outs, Holidays spent together. And now, her husband has found a new partner in his life. I know that my daughter would want him to be happy and not spend his life alone. That is just the type of person she was. This means not only someone new in his life, but my precious Grandson as well. I want my Son-In-Law to be happy, however, I have never seen him with anyone but my daughter. I cuts like a knife. We forget about these parts of the grieving process. My daughter and son-in-law were high school sweet hearts. I could have never picked a more loving husband than he was to my daughter. And I certainly was not prepared for this part of grieving. My life has been forever changed by the loss of my daughter. Not one second of one day goes by that I am not thinking of her. Wanting to call her. Wanting to see her. Yes, I have two sons who I love dearly. I just think that the love between a Mother and Daughter is somewhat different. We talk more, we shop together, go out to eat while the children are in school and become best friends. Where as with son's, they are so wrapped up in other things, a mother often times becomes and after thought with a son. Sis and I talked everyday on the phone and also on FB. My son's came by once in a while. However, we were ALL together on special occasions such as Holidays and during warm weather for cook-outs. And when we were together, I was so happy to see my children all together laughing and enjoying each other. Since the passing of my daughter, so many things have changed. My one son does not even speak to me because of his wife. She has never really wanted to be apart of the family. However, my son became her daughters Step-Father when she was only 4yrs old. Her birth father was in prison. He never treated her any differently than his other children. He has 3 daughters and a son. Now, two of his daughters no longer speak to him and his wife does not allow me to see my granddaughter. I have tried every way I know how to put this family back together again. However, I have now placed it in Our Lords hands. I never dreamed that as I grew old, that my children would have such little respect for me. I know that Jesus has promised to us all that if we follow him, we will have Eternal Life. I know that my Precious Daughter is in his Paradise. I Pray for the day that I may hopefully be able to re-unite with my daughter in Heaven. Until then, I will go through this earthly journey and continue to Pray for all of those I love and Pray that Our Lord will mend this family and once again bring us back to one another. If it is his will that I live out my life in solitude, then so be it. My life is in his hands. Oh how I miss my sweet "Baby Girl". I think she sends me signs. Her favorite color was Purple. I have never seen so much purple. I wonder now what other sides of grief there is. Jesus says that we are weak in the flesh, but strong in spirit. I Pray for strength and understanding to be able to live the life excepting of Jesus. God Bless All Of You. I wish you all a very Blessed Easter. A true sign of hope.
                   

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